Not Being Enough And Jealousy

new_video_blog_carousels.001.png
 

Video Transcript:

Hello there. I'm Jason tantra. And today I want to talk about something uncomfortable. I want to talk about the topic of jealousy and the reason I'm talking about this and recording this for you is I've just written a script for HimErosTV called sex win.
 
And, um, in that series, I was exploring different reasons why we would have sex. And one of the uncomfortable reasons we might have sex is around feeling jealous.
 
And I wanted to look at that topic of jealousy and to just take it in the garage and close the doors so that we can just have a little look at what's underneath that pretend about you.
 
I have had times in my life where I've been jealous of other people, um, whether that might be that they look better than me, or they're more fun than me.
 
There's something more than me. And maybe also professionally I've had moments of feeling, moments of jealousy and what it all boils down to is that there's something else or someone else more than me, or the flip side of that, is that feeling of not being enough?
 
I don't know if you've had that feeling of not feeling enough, not being enough and that feeling really uncomfortable. And it's kind of the road to nowhere in my experience, it's the road to bringing yourself back down and bringing yourself into, as I said, like, you know, the dark pits of a very miserable place of suffering and one of the things.
 
I got my mother's voice in my head, as I'm talking to you, one of the things she always said to me was Jason, stop worrying about what everybody else is doing. Stop worrying about what everyone else is being and just get on with what it is that you are and your doing and your bones.
 
As I'm with you, there feels a lot of truth in that you see from a spiritual perspective, that idea of not being enough is a thing where you're comparing yourself to other, or to other things, and from a spiritual perspective, when you look at us all as beings or as one energy, there are two things that are true.
 
One is we are all from the same thing. So there is no other from one perspective. And the other idea is that we are 7 billion different variations of the same thing. So I couldn't possibly be somebody else. I couldn't possibly do what somebody else can do. I couldn't possibly be anything other than me than where I'm at now.
 
Second, the ego loves to create our suffering. It loves to, and it is trying to keep her safe, but can also be the doorway into pain and suffering, and as I said, that feeling of not feeling good enough is not a nice place to be and is just suffering.
 
So let's just go back to that idea that there is no other and that other, something other is, it's not better or worse than us, just different. Now some of you might be in relationships and, you know, maybe you've had, or maybe, um, I remember when I was younger in my early relationships, I would get wildly insecure and jealous because I felt like I wasn't enough. And it's like, well, what are you comparing yourself against? And can you ever actually be what the other person is because actually all you can do is be yourself. And so if you're able to look at this from an idea of not being, um, not being anything else than you, then there's nothing to compare.
 
You can't compare a pile of eggs with a bowl of porridge they're completely different. And I think that can, what could the jealousy comes from is a sense of not feeling enough, a sense of I'm not enough. And that's coming from a judgment of yours. You're assessing a situation and feeling not enough and want to try and be enough.
 
I don't know about you. I've had times in my life where I've tried to compensate, but one of my compensating mechanisms is to be a comedian because I'm good at making people laugh. And I'm really good at presenting and projecting. And so if at times I felt insecure, I've taken on the role of comedian to help compensate for that. Not feeling enough, not feeling good enough, and you know, when I look back at some of my earlier relationships where I didn't feel enough, then these feelings of jealousy would come up and really nasty jealousies are really nasty, not very nice emotion to experience, But yeah, that jealousy feeling more to come up and it's a really yucky place to be.
 
If you're experiencing jealousy, the first thing I've been talking about recently in the last week, or so is about having compassion for that part of you that is struggling. That part of you, that's not feeling enough finding that part in you, that comparing yourself that can put an arm around you and say, it's okay.
 
It's okay that you feel this, it's okay, that that's coming up for you. There's something to look at, but right now you're loved you're okay., and it's okay that you've got those feelings going on. I think the double whammy can sometimes be that we try to, we then feel guilty and shameful for feeling jealous. We're tried to cover up the jealousy. So not only are we trying to cover up, not feeling good enough and the feelings of jealousy, but then try to cover that up as well because we're feeding guilt.
 
And it's just like, Ugh, it's just a whole soup. And you know, in my years of teaching tantra and teaching different workshops, the thing that's been with me is that love is the answer. Love is the answer. I don't know how else to say it. And so that first part of love is about bringing compassion to yourself.
 
And then it's about looking objectively in the mirror and not just looking at physical appearance, but looking at yourself as a human, as a human being, as a being for me as I get older, um, it's easy to compare myself to people that are 30 years younger than me. You know, if you look at like gay mainstream, you open up any, a gay magazine like gay times or something.
 
There are pictures of half naked men, everywhere that can bring feelings of inadequacy and not being enough, not being good enough. And I don't know about you, but as I'm talking, there's a sense of knowing that that is not the truth.
 
That is not the truth. How can I compare myself to somebody 30 years? That just, isn't the process of being a human being. And right now I'm the best of me that I've can be, you know, with all of my background, conditioning education life, where I am right now, what you see talking to here is the best version of me that I can be.
 
And if that isn't enough for somebody else, then they can make their choices. But equally I shouldn't try to make a judgment that I, not enough because based on other people saying that you're not enough.
 
So what I'm saying there is no make up stories about not being enough, because you don't know that that's true.
 
You don't know for the people around you that love you care about you want to interact with, you want to make love with you. You don't know that you're not enough for them. And if you're not enough for them, well, then that's life because we can't be everything for everybody.
 
And those that can't serve you are then going to go. So then the people that are around you think you are enough and new people you want to attract into your life. You don't want to attract somebody into your life. That thinks you're not enough, that things you're lacking in some way, because that's just going to be painful.
 
You're trying to compete to be something that they want you to be. Um, and I did about you, but I've tried that one as well. So it's like, well, how do you deal with this not being enough? And for me, there are two things in this bit.
 
One is not trying to compensate to be enough because you think you're not, don't do that. And the other one is, if people don't think you're enough, great, let them move on.
 
And half the people around you in your life that love you and accept you and are with you just as you are, that you are enough. And then there's something about 11 of acceptance of where you are, how you look what's going on and accepting that you've ended up here where you are because of that's, how life has played out for you.
 
And there's something about an acceptance and something about enabling you to bring your love to that, to bring your love to that.
 
Now, you know, your mother's a property told you though, mine, there's someone out there for everyone. And if you're single and you're wanting to attract people to you, um, there are all types of people out there in the world.
 
And some of those are going to love you and like you, and feel sexy with you and some aren't and that's just called life. So for me, that prophecy of trying to, um, make yourself enough is, is doomed to failure. And there's something about bringing compassion in to that part of you.
 
That doesn't feel enough. And then trying to break it down and understand what's behind that. And there's something then about just accepting yourself as you are. And knowing that that's going to bring those people into you.
 
The other thing you can choose to do is change. If there's a particular thing that you don't like about you, you have all the power, all the resources, all of the ability to make changes, and we make changes in life when something isn't serving us. And when we've had enough of that suffering, we make a change to make an improvement. The way that I am now in front of you is very different to the way I was 20 years ago. And I would say I'm happier now because I've made changes. I've made changes in my perceptions of myself. And I've made changes in different aspects of my love life that make me happier. And so it's like looking at this, not enough feeling and exploring what's underneath it, get conscious of that tantra, as I've talked about, it's like a two path:
 
It's the one path of ecstasy and bliss. And it's the other path of consciousness and awareness and looking at the stuff that getting aware of, why do I not feel enough?
 
So it's kind of looking at that as I've talked about so far, now this other part about ecstasy and bliss knows that the feeling of not being enough is not the real you, that's talking to you, your real being doesn't care, whether you're enough or not.
 
You just are, you are love, you are already everything and nothing all at the same time. It's the great paradox, the great contradiction and it's tuning into that sense of your being. That actually is what tantra brings you to like, if you've been screaming the room down in orgasm for half an hour, one hour completely out of there, you're not doing any of that from the place of not feeling enough.
 
You've kind of gone beyond that. You kind of go into your sense of being the same as in meditation. We don't sit in every meditation thinking because you're not there to be thinking of there to just be being and the being doesn't care.
 
So I think there's another thing about developing the relationship with your being and using that as your compass to go forward.
 
So let me just summarize some of that. So in this video, I've talked about that uncomfortable feeling of jealousy and that feeling of not being enough, looking at compensating structures that you might put in place.
 
And I've talked about trying to get underneath and understand what that lack of what not being enough, where that comes from, what's the story, what's it about get conscious of it, get aware of it.
 
And the other thing I talked about was bringing love and compassion to that part of you, that doesn't feel enough, put an arm around it, set that part of you, Darren, and have a chat say, it's okay that you feel this.
 
And then the other invitation from a spiritual tantric perspective is about being able to experience yourself as a being and knowing that the part that's judging you and making you feel not enough is your ego is not serving you, is not, it's not making you happy and as a kind of whole self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.
 
Okay. But it's like recognizing how we trip ourselves up with our egos and jealousy and not feeling enough is one of those that I wanted to talk to you about today.
 
So listen, I hope some of those ideas are useful to you. Um, and yeah, have a think about what they bring up and what that's about for you, and then sit with it, explore it, journal it.
 
Talk to yourself, talk to others about those times when you feel not enough. Good luck. And if I can help you in any way, please be in touch.
 
Okay. Take care. Bye bye.

 

Share